Caged
by All-things
Summary: Post-"Out of the Chute". House was right when he'd said that Wilson was trying to over-reach, because if Wilson was over-reacting then that meant he still cared. Warning: main character suicide.


Title: Caged

Author: all_things413

Characters/Pairing: Wilson, House, no pairing

Warning: suicidal death of main character

Rating: PG-13 for suicide

Spoilers: Out of the Chute

Summary: Post-"Out of the Chute." House was right when he said that Wilson was trying to over-react. Because if he over-reacted, then that would mean he still cared.

A/N: This was written in response to the Sick!Wilson Prompt Bingo Challenge. I used the items candle, trash can, socks, alarm clock, and extension cord.

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><p>Caged<p>

Wilson drug the extension cord into his candle lit bedroom. For some reason, the building was experiencing electrical difficulties casting every condo into darkness. Everything that needed electricity was off, the lights, the TV, the refrigerator, everything. He glanced at the dead alarm clock but it didn't reveal the time, not that it really mattered.

Did it really matter what time he died?

The candle light flickered, forming shadows that danced around him as he climbed onto his already upside-down trash can. It gave him the added high to reach the ceiling fan. Dressed in his favorite t-shirt, jeans, and even socks, he secured one end of the cord to the fan. It would have been more fitting to use his ties. House would probably have laughed when he found out. But Wilson feared that they wouldn't be strong enough to hold him.

He tied the other end of the cord around his throat. This was it. This was the moment that he would free himself. He wondered why he'd never done this sooner but quickly realized that it was because of the people he cared about. First it was Danny, then Sam, and then House. Sure, he had cared about Bonnie and Julie, but not enough. Yeah, he had viewed Cuddy as a good friend before she turned into a witch. But it had been those three people that had stayed his hand. They had kept him from doing this long before by giving him a reason to stay, by needing him. House was right, he needed to be needed. But what the diagnostician had failed to notice was how deep this need ran. It wasn't just his purpose, it was the whole reason he was alive. Ever the responsible one, he would never leave someone who needed him.

But now he was alone because all of them had left him.

Danny had run away all those years ago only to come back a stranger. He didn't need Wilson anymore. Sam had walked out on him and came back just to do it again. House had abandoned him for Cuddy and now was pushing him away when everything was going to hell.

They all had left him standing in the cold with no chance of survival. Because what was the point in living if you had nothing to live for?

Glancing at the letter he had left for House on the bed, he once again checked the cord to see if it would hold him. It would.

He was ready. Ready to be freed from the cage called Life.

A sock clad foot kicked the trash can out from underneath him.

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><p><em>Dear House,<em>

_You were right, like always. I was trying to force myself to over react. Because if I over reacted then it would mean that I cared. I tried to convince myself that I cared. That you still needed me. But when I saw you jump off the balcony, I knew. I knew that you no longer cared, which meant that I no longer cared. Because I need to be needed. Since I'm not needed anymore, I saw no reason to stay. I'm sorry about Cuddy, I really am. I know what it's like to be rejected because of who you are._

_I want you to know that I'm not miserable right now. I'm actually kind of excited. It's like I'm about to be freed from a life that's expected more of me than I could give. I'm tired. My job has lost its spark ever since Tritter and our friendship is non-existent right now._

_I'm sorry if I've made you sound like a dead weight. You weren't. I stayed because I wanted to. Because you made me want to. You, Danny, Sam, because even if you think I'm crazy for it, I do love her. Always have. Just like I've always loved you and Danny, but in different ways of course. You three made me want to stay. You needed me and in a way, I needed you. But now that you're all gone, there's nothing to keep me here. Nothing to make me want to stay._

_I hope you find happiness._

_James_

House carefully folded the well-read letter. He should have seen it. How could he not have seen it? Was he so blinded by Cuddy that he hadn't seen what was happening with Wilson? No, it wasn't Cuddy because according to the letter, this had been going on for far longer than their relationship. He should have seen it. From the very first day he saw Wilson, he should have seen it. But no, he had shrugged off the despair he'd seen in those brown eyes as a product of the divorce. He hadn't thought that Wilson might have been thinking about killing himself then or even at all.

He should have seen it after the infarction, when Stacy had left and Wilson had taken care of him. Every time he had told Wilson that he hated him and his pity rang in his ears. He should have seen the relief on the man's face when he had made the Housian form of an apology.

He should have seen it when he'd drugged Wilson to get him to admit that he was taking anti-depressants. How did he miss the fear of discovery in Wilson's voice?

He should have seen it during Tritter, and Volgar, and Cuddy, and every single time he looked at Wilson.

How could he have missed something so important?

But that didn't really matter now because Wilson was dead and it was House's fault. It was his fault he didn't see Wilson drowning. It was his fault he didn't hear a cry for help in everything stupid and desperate thing Wilson had done. It was his fault he never let Wilson know just how sorry he was for all the things he'd said and didn't say. It was his fault he never told Wilson how much the man meant to him even as he'd been jumping off that balcony.

It was his fault he never told Wilson how much he needed him.

~The End~


End file.
